Love is a powerful emotion; it can nourish, invigorate, encourage, validate and heal. Love is the essence of who we are and the core of our existence. Where there is love, there is no fear, anger or hatred. We yearn for love as it is our birthright and whether or not we received it unconditionally as a child, our heart aches for it.
First and foremost, I do want to say to you, “YOU DESERVE LOVE!” “YOU DESERVE ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD!” We are all deserving of love. It is our birthright although we may have been conditioned otherwise. Some of you may not feel worthy or deserving of love, some of you may be afraid to love, and some of you may have just decided that love is not something that you ever want to open your self up to.
But the big question remains: How do you get the love you deserve? You have likely heard the answer before, however, not one that most want to hear. Love is within you! You just have to open yourselves up to giving and receiving it. If this answer irritates you, like it once did me, it is understandable. You see, we are a society of quick fixes, instant gratification, and simple solutions and, unfortunately, this is an inside job.
So if it is inside us, you ask, why can’t I feel it? The answer is simple, yet complex. You have likely built a wall of protection around your heart at some point in your life that has cut yourself off from your true essence. There was likely some pain that you have experienced in your past that caused you to protect your heart from being hurt again.
I for one grew up in a dysfunctional household with emotionally available mother and father. Love was a scarcity and very hard to come by. There were moments that I did “feel” love, however, most of the time, I had to be good, work hard or do something to get any of the hot commodity. So with that being said, I had to cut myself off from my own heart to protect myself. It was like my oxygen supply cord was pinched off so I had to tap into other resources.
As a child, you should “feel” love from your parents or caretakers. It is not enough for them to say they love you when their actions do not emit love. Love is in constant supply from the Universe or God and is meant to flow through each one of us. When a well-meaning parent is cut off from their own love, they are not able to allow the energy to flow through to their children. As children, we are very subjective and don’t understand that our parents “can’t” love us, instead, we make up the story that we don’t deserve love or aren’t lovable, or even that there is something wrong with US.
And we carry those beliefs through life attracting one situation after another that echoes that same message. Those beliefs are so gaping in our subconscious mind that we don’t even know that it is the driving force behind our lack of love. It is uncovering those beliefs that will help you get the love you deserve.
If you have beliefs that you deserve a love that is entangled with abuse, that is what you will get. If you believe that you deserve conditional love, that is what you will get. If you think that you don’t deserve love, then it will be hard for anyone to love you and you will likely sabotage anything that resembles love.
Make a list of what LOVE means to you based on your childhood and past experiences. We have all heard the biblical verse that “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking… etc”. This is how love is supposed to be, however, many of you may have a different definition. For me, it was “love is being yelled at, love is being hurt and feeling unsafe, love never sticks around, love is manipulative… etc.” Once you can define what love is to you, then you can begin to dismantle the lies and establish a new meaning of love.
Another good indicator of what love looks like to you is how you treat yourself. Are you self-critical or blaming? Do you take care of yourself and your health? Do you have friends that do not treat you well? If you are hard on yourself or a perfectionist, this comes from deep feelings of inadequacy, and you will attract others that mirror that.
So when you ask yourself “what is the love I deserve?” there may be a conflict between the rational mind and the subconscious. I am sure you “know” you deserve kind, gentle, safe, unconditional love but if those underlying beliefs say something different, they will always win. Take the time to reprogram your thinking from what the love you deserve ‘was’ and what the love you deserve ‘truly is.’ Hypnosis, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), EMDR, and working with a counselor or life coach are great ways to dismantle any limiting or false beliefs you may have
Remember, you will always get the love you deserve so in learning to love yourself and convince yourself that you deserve the highest and best form of love, you will finally be able to receive real love. Raise your standards of what love is to you and it will come!